id be glad to
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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