I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
