your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
