he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
