if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
