I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
