We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize