38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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