I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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