tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
