I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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