Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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