i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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