.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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