I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
