There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
