so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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