paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
