told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
