I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
