Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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