Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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