I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
