Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
