You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
