singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
