That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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