Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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