I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
