I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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