Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
