Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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