I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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