all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
