her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
