R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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