Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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