My nipple is on Facebook.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
literally had 100 drinks last night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
