nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
