if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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