Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
