Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
