Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
