i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
