420 ftw
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
