I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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