is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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