i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
