I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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