ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
