he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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