I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
