I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
