I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
