you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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