Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
