i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
