no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
