It was confusing and full of hummus
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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