I want to have your abortion
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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