If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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