if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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