If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
