yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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