My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
