I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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