I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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