CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
