I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
