the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
