my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
