Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
