the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize