upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I party with great urgency now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
