Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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