Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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