it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
