Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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