The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
