i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
