Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
