i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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